Om Beliefs Svaha

Yesterday after a long time I attended a havan. The 'long time' was at least long enough to put some things in perspective. And a few questions which had not popped up in a while in my mind, came up surging. Which direction is the inclination of my beliefs with respect to Theism and Agnosticism? Is the disbelief in belief grounded in a more stronger Theistic belief that I might have been suppressing inside just because of my stubborn nonconformity to the expression of belief.

Two days ago I saw Ingmar Bergman's 'The Seventh Seal' and here's something I got out of it. The protagonist says this while confessing to the priest:
"Is it so hard to conceive God with one's senses? Why must He hide in a midst of vague promises and invisible miracles? How are we to believe the believers when we don't believe ourselves? What will become of us who want to believe but cannot? And what of those who neither will nor can believe? Why can I not kill God within me? Why does He go on living in a painful, humiliating way? I want to tear Him out of my heart, but He remains a mocking reality which I cannot get rid of. Do you hear me?"

In some ways it reflected my sentiments too. But, that is not the entire picture.

The importance of the havan as a form of prayer comes in right at this point. Havan (Yagna) is an invocation of the Vedic gods. The very same Vedic concepts which through their interpretation via the Upanisads prompted me to formulate questions on the beliefs. Vedic religion (I call it that because I want to segregate it from the present day view of most, if not all of Hinduism) in its most ancient form is not a religion in the truest sense of today. Rather than being a doctrinaire which directs humans on the path of God, its emphasis lay on bringing to light the path inside of you and letting you find if and where that God creature really is. It is a freedom. It is a belief on the basis of which one can question his beliefs.

And what are these basic beliefs? They are just simple nothings, so simple to comprehend, that one misses the point simply because of their simplicity. There were a couple of things that the priest conducting the havan emphasized while, which I'll repeat here. The priest himself was a former Sanskrit Professor, now part of Arya Samaj and by his mannerisms and conductance it was clear he was a man of sufficient understanding.

In the havan after the invocation one chants word svaha and idannanama, the two words which the priest emphasized. For me then, the God one is trying to invoke and the purpose for the invocation is not what matters. What matters lies is the simple meaning of svaha and idannanama. Idannanama, this is not mine. Svaha, I verily lay the purpose unto you. There it is, the end of the root cause of all misery, the ego. Two simple little things that put Existentialism put to death.

What it says to me is that I can do what I want to do with my screwed up beliefs and disbeliefs in my mind. But, the beliefs which permit the questioning of the beliefs lay well grounded, whether seen or unseen.

http://www.arya-samaj.org/content/sermons/sermon21jan07.pdf